Military Jokes Military Humor - Strategypage.com S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Dont think so? Me: Hello? 8. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. 3. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. He thought he would be home about 13:30. A LOOtenant! Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". It took the poor guy all day. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Because the Army needed heroes too. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? U.S. Navy Warship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees south to avoid a collision. Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Fish Food. The INFANTry! ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! I was very nervous, she said. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. From the pilot during his welcome message: We are pleased to announce that we have some of the best Flight Attendants in the aviation industry. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. A military sergeant lieutenant saying Based on my experience Climbing out of the wreckage, Brian asked Tommy, Any idea where we are?, I think were pretty close to where we crashed last year Brian, 5. 65. AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. 30. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. Stay out of clouds. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. Now, lets try it again! The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Killed bin Laden. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Related read: 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. They throw out a pistol. Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers. He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Why Do We Celebrate It? He had the same plane as yours. Killed bin Laden. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Germany's military 'Zeitenwende' is off to a slow start Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? 11. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. He is the Founder and . Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor - Pinterest "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. Chicago. He needed COVER! Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. 32. Do you have change for a dollar? Why arent there any insects in an Army base? Return to Humor Index. Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. It Bad Jokes That You Cant Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Why? I asked. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Attention! If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. A friend paid my mother a visit. My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. I was the tallest guy in line. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. 14. Did you hear about the big accident on base? A tank ran over a bag of popcorn and apparently, two kernels were killed! Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. U.S. Air Force Grounds Hundreds of Jets: Their Tails May Fall Off The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. You divertyour course! Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. What are you doing? I asked. . As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. Caller: Is Sgt. R-i-i-ing!) 1. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. We recommend our users to update the browser. In-dough-structible A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Even those who work in relation to the military, such as the Department of Defense, or know someone that has served, are bound to find a few of these hilarious. August 15, 2021. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. 1. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. Did it work? "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? Rodrigues there? Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. 17. This happened several times times throughout the flight. On-time Arrival Obscure term meaning unknown, 63. Read more. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. If you cant pick it up, paint it. During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. Airmens mess, sir.. Aviation JOKES. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? Its not weak, he replied. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? 45. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. Now, they are wanted for dessertion. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. 10. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? Trust us; we have plenty of those, too. She told me she warships them. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. 4. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. 30+ Best Military Jokes And Puns | Kidadl When the Marine finishes up, he starts to head for the door. The Best Aviation Jokes - Ridge Landing Airpark Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. The soldier remarked, How long was I in there for?. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. The Marine said Are you crazy? Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. 33. Now he likes peanuts.. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? Thanks.. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. 40. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. ", "Sir" she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now". Flight Announcements 4. Its got to be the Air Force because theyre U.S. AF! Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? March forth! I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. The Blonde Fighter Pilot This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Hey, Im from Chicago too!. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? I dont see it.. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. He wanted to move out of the barracks as soon as possible. I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? Theyre U.S. AF! DeFrigNo! I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Caller: OK. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? Later, I spoke with Mom. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. Me: Hello? If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. 9. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Adding one, came from my saw carrying ARMY soldier: How many Marines does it take to fire a machine gun? On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. 35. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? He nodded. Officer: Soldier. Airspeed, altitude, and brains: Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.. Takeoffs are optional. Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . On landing, the Stewardess said, Please be sure to take all of your belongings. 41. Full Disclosure Here. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. you cant do both. Countdown to Iditarod 2023: Tributes, jokes and celebrations as mushers Caller: Is Sgt. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. In an attempt to keep, the passengers from standing or moving around before taxiing was completed the Flight Attendant of an internal flight said over the PA, "Ladies and Gentlemen. 2. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. Large mahogany desk.. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Why? I asked. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Divert your course NOW! What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. Ocean Pearl, I answered. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Baltimore, said Dad. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences.

Scenic Rim Council Interactive Mapping, Articles M